Part 3

After a rousing bout of plot expository Full Motion Video Introductions, it's time for the in-game plot exposition to take place. Hold on Drake, you can't get down to the business of hunting rats yet, there's information to be gleaned from floating ball sources. Ready thyself for tiny images of questionable entertainment value!

I missed the next part of dialogue, so I'll just assume it goes "The mystic mirror of Afri will aid your personal grooming and overall upkeep of appearance"

That's one sexy adventurer, to be sure. Thera may have forced me to abandon the flesh (god I hope no hobos happen across my juicy, unprotected corpse) but she at least had the decency to manifest me some pants.

Time to fuck shit up and then steal it, and in that order. What wonders will this broken table hold? A board with a nail in it? A board with no nail?

Phase 1: Collect two rocks, a human skull and a dried root of health replenishment. Phase 2: Introduce rocks to evildoers face

Nice tip. I don't suppose you'd happen to know if there's something better than a couple rocks around, would you? Like some actual weaponry? No? Well, thanks anyways, for the "get weaponry" tip. How the hell did the Shadow King ever manage to get the drop on a stunning tactician like yourself

I don't want to be rude, but other than forcibly tearing me out of my body and dumping me in this shithole, what exactly do you bring to the table? "Get Weapons"? "Head downard"? You're lucky I've got nothing but a couple of pebbles

Ah, shit. So there was a dagger and some rotten leather armour right outside the door. Well, this is a little awkward. I'm still not going to apologize, because quite frankly Thera's retarded

Shit, that little brown ant is coming right at my. No way in hell am I fighting a man crazed ant, I haven't even stretched yet. Have a nice life here in the tiny loop, ass.

Psyche, I snuck up behind him and went all Solid Snake on his ass. It was all very dignified and above board, I assure you.

Ah, so these are those "Stairs Leading Down" you prophesized. What an epic journey. Went through a door, traversed all of 9 squares, and threw a rock at an ant. This is going to be a pretty fucking long trip if you tell me what's coming up in the next thirty seconds. Maybe we should split up to cover more ground? We'll talk more at the bottom of the stairs

Holy shit, I recognize you from such events as that time you wiped out my village M Bison style and that time were I saw you just now! I don't know who this crazy blue bitch is, we just met.

"Your champion"? I don't recall signing on to fight for you! I'm down here to see if maybe there's a tired, dirty, hairy but otherwise grateful Elizabeth and maybe find and crush my old dog's skull if there's time

Yeah, you tell her. I'm with you man, blue orbs are the pits. Well, I think you've got everything under control, figure I'll be heading back up to my body now, I imagine it can't be too happy just lying there in the dirt. Plus I think I fell on a rock.

Here we see the migty Khull-Khum, cupping the balls. A+ for technique, but minus points for cold hands and inordinate crushing

"You are too puny to be worth smashing, so I'll let you live for shits and giggle"? Yeah, that's never blown up in the villains face before. Not that I'm criticizing, I'm a pretty big fan of this "No destroying Drake" policy

Poof, gone. Off to do whatever deities do when they aren't telling regular folks how they're too busy to waste time talking with regular folks because of how busy they are. It's time consuming ensuring everyone knows how far they are beneath you and how easily you could smight them, had you the time

It's just you and me now, dessicated remains. Don't think I'm a bad person for doing this, but I'm going to smash your bones on the off chance there is a meaningless reward crammed in your ribcage. Seems to me like it's the only fair way to proceed, really

Well, having talked to a douche and the Shadow King and killed an ant I figure it's time to do some saving. So here you go, have a gander at the save screen. Pretty functional, no? Ha ha ha, games back then had no quicksave, how lame

Soldiering on, I came across a Sharga. These critters are like ants except large, highly visible, tough and deadly. Going mano a mano with one at this low level would be a true test of my heroic mettle.

Or I could chuck rocks threw the door. AI exploits are the name of the game here.

This is less about stabbing him in the face(he's too far away) and more about pointing at him menacingly, like I'm going to come in there and cut him into tiny green and red chunks and eat them and later pass them uncomfortably.

But then I am just a spectre in a stupid leather shirt and dirty pants, so what the fuck. Time instead for a healthy dosage of rock to the face.

Getting stoned to death takes a lot out of a sharga, so this cute little fella decides to lay down for awhile, and scatter his equipment all around him so that I can take it and put it neatly off to the side for him for when he wakes up in a year or two.

But what's this, he has a message! Throgs? Those guys suck even harder than Shargas! They're like two shargas stapled together with a badger for a face and lamprey hands. Hopefully whoever sent this message dispatched all of the throgs from here so it'll be smooth sailing for me.

Seeing as this clown is going to be out of it for awhile (until they cure having your skull bashed open and the ensuing crevace violated repeatedly), so's I'm figuring he may have no need of this shitty sharga sword.

This may be ten times larger than a dagger, but I'm still going to use it in the exact same way. Hey, I don't recall telling anyone that I was actually a talented swordsman or anything. I only ever learned the "stab the guy in the line in front of me in the back" move and that's all I'm going to use.

Sweet, a wall hole! I remember why we had those! For wall-hole related activity, the kind that went on all the time back in the day

Shit, the wall-hole has become a wall-ant-hole! And he's coming right for me! Thera never said anything about having to fight multiple copies of the same enemy type, this is bullshit!

Addendum

Randbrick posted:

Argh, you forgot the dagger. You had to pop the lever down and up and then back down, walk around the first area in a circle, and find the hidden brick. But it's too late now.

At the very least, make sure you charge up the quack rune to max strength.

There's the Dagger in question. Such a sweet game, I played through it a few times in the mid 90s and yet there's still new shit to find.